Would this be something you would want to read more of?

-

 There are certain duties a girl must do as a best friend. She must listen, assure, care and laugh for that best friend. She must do whatever she can to make that best friend happy. But where the hell in this list of rules does it say that she must put up with an obsession so large it gives her headaches? The posters on the bedroom wall and piles of CD’s littering Alicia’s room were something I had dealt with for some time. These things were easily avoided. The constant talking, giggling, moaning and sighs surrounding the subject of the famous Jamie Barrets were another story. The young singer, who had magically charmed the world with his music at the ripe age of 16, had mesmerised the mind of my closest friend, Alicia. In achieving such a thing, he also accomplished to drive me insane. Not that he knew this of course. There must have been hundreds of suffering best friends all over the country. Well, maybe not hundreds seeing as most of the female population have already decided that Jamie is the ‘One’ for them.

 I have nothing against him. How could I when I’ve never met him? Of course this was another thing Alicia was determined to change. A CD signing, a few days away, was going to introduce me to the famous Jamie Barrets. Singer, Song-writer, Young, Male, Handsome and rich, what more did a girl want huh? What some girls want, some girls loath. Simply for singing he gets shot to stardom where as real heroes get no recognition what so ever - or the money.

My head is ready to explode,

The words are trying to form,

Everything I want to say,

Seems to hard to do,

When I tried,

Only to fail,

I need you back,

To talk, to laugh,

I need my friend,

How can I apologise?

Without the ability,

To talk to you,

Help me please,

I need you,

But the words wont form,

The words won't allow me,

To achieve my goal,

I want you back,

My friend.

I smile,

To hide the words,

I laugh,

To hide the cries,

I close my eyes,

To see your face,

I clench my fist,

To hide my shaking fingers,

I blink,

To wipe away the tears,

I think,

Of only you.

The room is slowly filling,

Forcing the air away,

As the walls close in,

I can feel them around me,

Slowly pulling me in,

A single deep breath,

Allows a scream to grow,

But it's journey through my throat,

Does not full fill its trip,

Because I am standing here,

With a scream in my throat,

But nobody can hear me,

Though the room is small,

And the room is full,

My screams and cries,

Will be ignored.

It is getting tiring,

To see on the news,

To read the papers,

A repeat of yesterday,

A life lost?

A life taken?

Neglect, pain, tears,

Ignorance continues,

Ignorance is bliss,

To those in need,

Of escape,

Ignorance has come,

To its end,

Enough,

The next generation,

Has this to see,

The future is waiting,

For the past to choose,

When will it be,

Enough?

Old memories are replaced

With old photos,

Old judgement is replaced,

By fresh regret,

We had it all,

But it took losing it,

To realise what we had.

I am a label,
The next generation,
A new hope,
For a world in need,
I am responsible,
For the pain and hurt,
For crime and tears,
I am helpless,
Young and immature,
In need of a guide,
I am independant,
Able to decide,
To take control,
I am weak,
A developing mind,
Needed to be taught,
I am strong,
With ideas and colour,
Imagination and hope,
I am gain,
For the present and future,
To make a change,
I am loss,
From want and greed,
From natural ignorance,
I am learning,
To change the world,
To make a difference,
I am forgetting,
A lost culture,
An important history,
I am young,
I am judged,
I am a choice,
Yet to be decided,
I am responsible,
For the future,
To save a life,
To end another,
You judge us,
By what knowledge?
I am not a statistic,
I am a label,
I am an individual.

I could feel his eyes burning in to the side of my face but I refused to look at him. I sat on the sofa with my legs underneath me and the blanket draped over my lap. I glanced around the all to familiar room, skipping over Scott. The room seemed to have a warmer edge to it than it had an hour ago. I ran my fingers through my hair as the thick curls gripped at each other. I could still feel Scott watching me. I wanted to ask him why. Why was he watching me so intently? I could see him sitting on the edge of the seat, which sat in the corner of the room. His body looked tense and stressed. It was hard ignoring him when my curiosity was tingling so furiously.

 Three years. That was how long Scott had been in my life. Never an enemy. Never a lover. Once a friend. Through out those three years I had been like his personal therapist. We had been through a lot together and nobody knew us as well as we knew each other. Scott had a tendancy to open up briefly but shut down just as quickly. It was hard to catch those moments. Three years is a long time to be someones friend. Especially when friendship is the last thing on your mind.

"Why didn't you leave?" Scott asked.

 I still refused to look at him but I answered anyway, "I never have done what I was told."

 He laughed faintly. "Why did you stay in the rain?"

"It wasn't voluntary." I mumbled.

"I..I don't understand." Scott muttered.

 I didn't want to admit that I had been weak. That I had broke down in the rain and my legs refused to carry me any further. I didn't want him to know he had been the cause.

 I stuck by the traditional shrug.

"Ava, why wont you look at me?" Scotts voice hit home hard.

 Fear, panic and later on regret , was my answer. I had hoped he wouldn't have noticed that I was looking at everything but him. Then again it had been quite obvious. How much of an interest can you show in wallpaper?

"What do you mean?" I laughed faintly to make it look like I had no idea what he meant, whilst still avoiding his eyes.

 I heard him get up from his own seat to sit beside me, forcing me to move my head so I could look in the opposite direction. It wasn't subtle.

"Look at me." Scott demanded firmly.

 Slowly and cautiously I turned my head towards Scott. My eyes continued to look down and slowly I raised them to look Scott in the eye. I gritted my teeth, preparing myself to hold back any confessions that would escape my lips with a single question from Scott.

"See, not so hard." He smiled softly, sending my heart racing at a painful speed. "And I just want to say I'm so-"

"Don't. Stop right there." I ordered.

"But I am-"

"No. Because we're just going to go through all this again next week or the week after and I'm not doing this again." I insisted.

"Ava, I AM sorry. I didn't mean what I said and I don't want you to leave. I never have wanted you to and I don't think I ever will."  Scott confided.

 Scotts hand reached over to me and I shot up from the sofa. The blanket dropped to the floor leaving my chilled body exposed once again to the cool air. I could feel my hands trembling and my teeth beginning to chatter once again. Although it was made worse by my panic.

"Don't, just don't. You know how I feel. Don't mess with my head, just... don't." I turned away from Scott, pacing the space between me and the sofa.

"Mess with your head?! Are you kidding?" Scott growled, raising to his feet but not moving from beside the sofa. "I tell you to leave, regretting every word I said, but having to do it anyway because I just finished with Carly thanks to you, so I had to get my head in the right place before I could tell you! So don't tell me not to mess with your head because I tell you to leave only to find you rushing back in here to have a go at me! You just walked right back in here, dripping wet, shivering from head to toe and all I got was the blame for trying to sort my head out. Then I offer my help only for you to not even look me in the eye. Do you have any idea how much that hurts? To sacrifice so much for the girl that can't even look at me?"

I stared at him with confusion clouding my senses. Carly was - had been -  Scott's girlfriend of 3 months. He had ended their relationship, for or because of me? I was still trying to process his words.

"You made me feel like you didn't want me anywhere near you anymore, you made me feel useless, like I was nothing, to sort your head out?!" I thundered.

"I couldn't tell you how I felt when my head was all over the place. I knew the only way to do that was to-"

"Hurt me? Is that what you tried to do Scott? Well done." I cried. "You succeeded." I turned around ran to the nearest room and slammed the door behind me.

As I closed the bathroom door behind me, I let out a stressed sigh. What was going on? I leaned against the door heavely, only to regret it. Scott had a bathroom door with those peg/hook things on them. I released a groan before I could stop myself.

"Are you okay?" Scott's voice carried from the living room.

"Uh-huh." I muttered. I stepped away from the door and stood in front of the large mirror. I was soaked. My hair dangled limply over my shoulder, I knew it would only be minutes before it would begin to curl. I removed my clothes and let them fall to the floor. I shivered lightly as the air attacked my icy old skin. I reached for the towel and dried as much off my body as I could. My hair was allowing, random drops of water to drip down my cold body, sending me trembling with each escaped raindrop.

 I attempted to dry my hair slightly with the towel before giving up. I pulled Scotts shirt over my body. It was too big yet rested only a few inches above my knee. I let my clothes dry over the radiator and put the towel in the wash basket in the corner of the bathroom. I took one last look in the mirror and groaned, quietly this time. My face was bare of make up, my hair was beginning to curl and I was wearing an old shirt. I was tempted to hunt down some spare bottoms in Scotts room but what was the point?

 I grabbed the blanket and made my way back to the living room. Scott was in the kitchen which was connected to the living room, he stood, with his back to me.

 I cleared my throat so he knew I was finished in the bathroom. He turned round and froze.

"Do you- Can I- Can I g-get you anything?" He stuttered, running his hands through his hair.

"No thanks." I replied blankly. I glanced around the room, but didn't see much. I turned away from Scott and went to sit on the sofa. I wrapped the blanket around myself. Losing the wet clothes had only stopped me from getting colder, I didn't get any warmer.

The rain weakned but I was already soaked through. The cold should have been unbearable. My body shook and my teeth chattered, I looked down at my hands and they trembled, from cold? Or from despair? I closed my eyes as my final tears dried. I arched my head to face the sky and sighed as the rest of the rain washed away my old tears. What had I been reduced too? For what? I had ruined things with my own three words.

 I remembered seeing the sadness in his eyes, as he opened his heart for the first time. I remember him closing those eyes, closing me out. I remembered his arms around me as I held him close, re-assuring him everything was okay. I remember realising, for the first time, I loved him.

 I didn't give up on him then. How could I now? I was angry with him. Angry because he made me this way. He left me like this when I gave him everything. I got to my feet and my hands began to tremble with something new. A new emotion pulling me back, pulling me towards him. This emotion burned my veins, as it travelled through my body. Anger wanted me to do this. Anger wanted me to regain my dignity.

 The rain was only a light drizzle now, my legs carried me back to the building I had only minutes before left for what I thought was the last time. I stepped inside, walked towards the door, and took one long, deep breath. I pulled the door open, ready to fight. My heart was thumping powerfully inside my chest. The room was quiet, dark. At first I couldn't see him and feared that he had left. Then a glimmer of light allowed me a sight of a man, sitting on the floor with his back against the wall, his head in his hands. I could hear heavy, distressed breathing. Usually all of these things would have left me weak and helpless. Not then. I had to change, I had to do something. My heart raced and I could feel my legs weaken but I didn't stop.

 I flicked on the lights and I was given a clear sight of the man - at least what was left of him - on his own in the large room. As light surrounded the room he lifted his head from his hands and stared at me with confusion.

 Now or never, I thought. "What gives YOU the right to tell ME to leave?"

"Ava-?"

"After everything, how dare you?!" I growled.

"What-?"

"I mean I stood by you through everything, I put up with everything you threw at me, I accepted who you are, I-"

"Why are you wet?" He frowned.

"Rain! Okay? It rained, and I couldn't go any further than that stupid tree, I can't even-" I muttered, aggitated.

"The tree? You'v been in the rain this whole time?" Scott looked at me with an incredulous expression.

"Well I didn't exactly have a shower in my clothes now did I? Why did I even bother trying to help you? All this time, and  for what?" I cried. "What was the point?"

"You're shivering, wait here." Scott ordered as he left the room.

 It wasn't going as planned. I wanted an argument, I wanted to scream, I wanted something else. I didn't understand the situation but I knew whatever he was offering to stop my shivering it would be welcomed. My teeth were now chattering and I was finally beginning to feel the cold run through my clothes and on to my skin. As some water escaped from my hair and trickled down my back, I trembled.

 Scott re-appeared holding a towel, a blanket and an old shirt of his.

"I hope you don't think I'm actually going to wear that." I frowned.

"You're going to freeze if you stay in those clothes" Scott stated as he passed my the towel, blanket and shirt.

 I looked at the pile in my arms and Scott stood before me, looking at me patiently.

"Bathroom's that way." He grinned.

As the door closed behind me for the last time, I paused. A deep sigh ran from my lungs and through my lips. I refused to let the blossoming tears escape and held my head high. It was harder than expected. I walked away and for once I didn't look back. He had watched me leave, I had let myself see that much.  I had nothing else to do here anymore. As I stepped out of the building in to the cool night air, I felt the first drop of rain hit me. Slowly, that one raindrop was followed by another and another before the heavens fell. Within seconds I was soaked through. I continued to walk through the rain, to make my way home. As the rain spilled oer my frozen cheeks, I finally allowed the tears to fall. The rain would hide any proof of weakness. The tears fell evenly over my cold skin, I was soon sobbing. As despair overtook my system I felt weak, my walking slowed until I was almost motionless. My legs felt like they would let me fall to the floor. A near by tree offered support and I leaned against its bark. Soon my legs betrayed me and I slumped to the trunk of the tree. The tears fell slowly now.

 I cursed the three little words that had drove me to this.

"I need you." His words echoed in my mind as my watery gaze fell to the floor. He had asked for me, and I gave everything until there was nothing left of me. My reward? A lonely night sobbing at the trunk of an old tree with only the rain to hide my tears. Some reward.

A single, quiet, shy voice,

Is all that it takes,

To change the world,

But if that single, quiet voice,

Isn't heard, then what?

A soft cry for help,

Is sometimes ignored,

Some voices are stronger,

Some voices are heard,

Those cries for help,

Are a whisper in the corner,

Our world is full,

Of quiet whispers,

But the loud, vicious voices,

Over power those,

Without the strength,

To fight back,

A cry for help,

That goes unanswered,

What world are we?

When we ignore,

Those who need the most,

To be heard.

You're all over the news,

It seems it's forever,

When will it be enough?

When will enough tears be shed?

We watch on through tears,

As proud families,

Welcome home your hollow coffin,

Because you have left this world,

A lonely box to symbolise,

An empty body,

A soldier lost,

Somebodys baby,

A brother, a sister,

A husband, a wife,

A son , a daughter,

Lost to a war,

That is breaking the hearts,

Of the worlds population,

Because our brave people,

Are losing a life,

A final breath,

A failing heart,

For honour? For love?

To protect us? From what?

The world is at war,

We are dying, for what?

We are losing you,

Dying,

Dying for Honour,

Your final reward.

I stared. I said nothing. What can you say when everything has been said? What is there left, when that wall is built between you? What can you do when you're closed out from the one world you thought would never abandon you?

"Tell me." I mumbled, my voice had weakened and I struggled to make my voice loud enough to hear.

"I can't." He growled viciously. "Haven't I told you enough? Why don't you just leave already, huh?"

"I can't." I squeaked.

"Why? I never asked you to stay!" He closed the few feet between us, he lowered his head to glare at me, his face, inches away from mine. "Why don't you just leave me alone?"

"Is that what you want?" I breathed.

He seemed to hesitated, continuing to glare at me, at momentarily I saw a glimmer. A glimmer of hope? Or anger?

"Yes." He snarled before stepping away from me, turning his back and bowing his head.

I opened my mouth but I had no words left to say. He wanted me gone. He didn't need me anymore. "Fine."

 I made my way across the room, opened the door with my trembling fingers and passed through. Despite my mind, my heart froced me to turn my head for one last glance over my shoulder. He now had his back against the wall, his head was turned towards the door, his eyes were on me for a split second before they connected with mine, then he bowed his head allowing his eyes to meet the floor.

I sighed and closed the door behind me. For the last time.

*

I don't know whether or not to continue. Suggestions?

The glistening eyes of the lost,

Stare on at the past,

Our distruction is following,

Creeping up behind,

As we continue to move,

Forward, faster, fatal,

We run and we run,

Our past is bloodthirsty,

The past is waiting for us,

To slip up,

To repeat our mistakes,

To haunt us in the dark,

We close our eyes,

Our past is waiting,

To show us what we lost,

What we've done,

What we can't change,

Tomorrow is coming,

Tomorrow is waiting,

Tomorrow will change us

You've got to be kidding,

You think you can play me,

I want to see you try,

I'm not going to be,

A part of your list,

I'm not going to be her,

So try me, please,

Push me to the limits,

Test my patience,

Because this time,

This time you'll lose,

This time you picked,

The wrong girl.

One day I know,

I'll run away,

In to the sunset,

I'll float away,

With the rain,

I'll disapear,

With the wind,

I'll drift,

With the mist,

I'll strike,

Like lightening,

I'll growl,

As loud as thunder,

I'll land,

As soft as snow,

I'll hit,

Like hail,

I'll shadow,

With the clouds,

I'll fight back,

I will not fall

It seems a human habbit,

To section each normal person,

Above our heads they label,

Our judgemental name,

But I've been watching,

Although they say,

There are those who watch,

And those who do,

Who are we,

To decide who's who?

Because you can't judge,

What you can't understand,

So our human habbit,

Will continue, right on until,

The end of time,

But I'll be watching,

The judgemental,

The deciders,

Because those who watch,

Are only waiting to prove,

That those who do,

Are scared, lonely,

Trying to understand,

That those labels?

Are only human.

Now, some may know me,

Some may talk,

They'll tell me how I'm feeling,

They'll tell me how to change,

They'll say they know me,

But here we go,

They'll listen, they'll talk,

They'll laugh, they'll shout,

They'll smile, they'll cry,

But they don't know.

 Chris continued to try to find the right time to apologise to Kate. He didn't know if he had already been forgiven but was determined to find out. Every time he tried, something - or someone - got in the way. It was obvious to Chris that Lee liked Kate. Yet Chris didn't understand why it bothered him so much. He despised Kate didn't he? How could his feelings for Kate change so dramatically?

 As soon as they got off the bus, Chris waited for Kate to step off the bus before he gently pulled her aside - much to Ruby and Sasha's amazement - and said, "We need to talk."

"As much as I'dlove too," Kate said sarcastically, emoving Chris' hand from around her upper arm, "I have friends who are waiting for me."

 Kate started walking away from Chris when he grabbed her hand and pulled her back towards him. He had pulled her so close their noses lightly brushed each others.

"They can wait." He whispered firmly.

"O-okay."Kate stuttered.

 Kate took a step back as Chris released her hand. It felt heavy as it fell against her side. Everyone from the buses had gone. Ruby and Sasha had left, noticing Kate wouldn't be joining them after all. Kate and Chris stood alone.

"I shouldn't have said what I did the other day." Chris said finally.

 Kate looked at him blankly.

"It was harsh and cruel and I didn't mean it." Chris informed her.

"Yeah," Kate sighed," you did mean it."

"Kate-" Chris attempted.

"No. You were right actually. I was treated the exact same way back in Dublin. I somehow got in with the 'popular crowd' and I just... changed I guess." Kate said softly.

"Oh..." Chris trailed off. He was confused. This wasn't the reply hewas expecting. He thought she'd shout, insult him , anything but this. Chris was sort of lost for words. It was a new feeling for him.

"Thing is, I've changed so much I can't remember what I was like before." Kate confessed.

"I..." Chris attempted to speak but words failed him. The last bell rang, signalling time for registry.

"Bye Chris." Kate said before walking off to her class.

 Chris watched Kate walk away before finally making his own way to class. To Chris' disapointment Kate was in very few of his classes. He still didn't understand why he was feeling like this. He couldn't actually like Kate could he?

 During third lesson Chris found himself glaring at Lee, who was gazing at Kate. The teacher had left the class to get some papers from the class opposite. The minute the door had closed behind her, the class had exploded in to instant chatter. Kate had started talking to a few of the girls behind her, including Ruby. Laughing could be heard from the group of girls before they looked over at some of the guys who continued to glance in their direction. All the guys who had been looking oer at her looked away in a hurry and turned in their seats, pretending they hadn't been staring at her the whole time.

 Soon enough the teacher returned to the class with papers in her hand.

"Right, uhh Kate and," Mrs Cane, the English teacher said gesturing to the papers she had layed down on the desk in front of her, "umm, Mark, can you hand these out please?"

 Kate and Mark got to their feet and retrieved the papers. As they started handing them out Mrs Cane started talking again, "Now TRY not to lose these please, They're important for the next work we'll be doing."

 After all the papers had been handed out, the bell had rung on time.

"Oh and Miss Rees, don't think I've forgotten about that work you haven't handed in yet."

 As we walked out the door Sarah turned to Kate and said, "I'm sure that womans got it in for me."

 Kate laughed and said, "She doesn't ike anyone."

"True." Sarah sighed. "But I'm one of her favourites. That she hates."

"Yeah maybe that's because you spilled coffee all over her marking papers last year." Lise, one of the schools biggest gossips chimed in.

"Well she shouldn't have been drinking coffee whilst marking." Sarah shrugged, too innocently.

"She wasn't the one drinking it. You had brought it to the class after break and spilt it whilst looking for your brothers papers." Lisa grinned.

"Sarah!" Kate exclaimed laughing.

"Ah well , she deserved it." Sarah grinned.

 Chris was walking behind the group of girls with Mark and Lee.

"Forget it." Mark said to Lee. "You've got no chance."

"What do you mean?" Lee asked, he hadn't been paying much attention.

"Kate." Mark retorted.

"We'll see." Lee replied with a wink.

 Chris clenched his fist at the sight of Lee. He knew what he was capable of. Chris had known Lee for many years, unfortunatley. The thought of Lee and Kate together made Chris uncomfortable. He wasn't going to let it happen any time soon.

 Lee walked ahead towards the girls and cheekily said, "Hey gorgeous." witha wink.

 The girls around Kate giggled but Kate just replied flatly, "Uh hi Lee."

 Chris continued to walk down the hallway behind them with Mark still at his side.

"So you two still have that big grudge thing against each other?" Mark asked, making Chris tear his gaze away from Kate and Lee in front of them.

"UH honestly?" Chris hesirared. "I have no idea."

"You too, huh?" Mark grinned.

"Me too? What are you talking about?" Chris frowned.

"Kate." Mark said plainly.

"I don't know what you mean." Chris lied.

"Sure." Mark laughed.

 Chris didn't reply. Mark wasn't dumb. Unvoluntarily, Chris's gaze strayed ack to Kate. The scene had changed from how it had been before. The other girls had left and Kate was talking, slowly, to Lee. He had a bemused expression on his face. Lee wasn't talking, just listening as Kate was still explaining. Lee looked like a confused toddler.Chris couldn't help but look. The conversation seemed to come to a close and Lee nodded. Kate reached towards him for a hug and Lee hugged her back with the same bemused expression.

They parted and Chris's curiosity tingled. He looked over at Mark who seemed to have seen the confusing tale in front of them, too. What had happened?

 As if reading his mind, Mark shrugged and left with a , "See you later."

This is my home,

When I look out across,

The rolling green fields,

And the screaming history,

That seems to breath,

With a contagious ease,

I can't help but feel at peace,

I've seen this place,

In life and in dreams,

It's here that I know,

I can be happy and free,

Because Swansea,

Thanks to you,

I am proud,

For the ledgends,

You have produced,

The scenery you have released,

The words we breath,

It's all thanks to you,

So Swansea we thank you,

For allowing us to call you,

Home. 

Deep down, I knew,

That even with our history,

All the time that's passed,

That we were to far gone,

For things to change,

Because you know now,

As do I,

That you don't care,

But when you turned around,

To walk away from me,

Why did it hurt so much?

I saw it coming,

It was no suprise,

So why?

Why does it hurt?

When will it make sense?

Because I'll have to keep watching,

You, walking away,

From me.

We're all just a crowd, of beating hearts,

At the end of the day, what seperates us?

Is it the words we share or the whispers,

The cries in the night or the hidden tears,

Maybe the laughs or the first smile,

That single moment, that can light up a room,

What is it that makes us human?

Is it that first realisation of a feeling?

Or those unbearable emotions we deal with?

Who cares about it all?

Because at the end of the day,

We're just a crowd, of beating hearts.

It's a complicated thing,

Understanding this world,

We're told all these things,

It's great to be different,

But we're all equal,

Violence is never the way,

But fight for what you want,

Always play it safe,

But you have to put your heart,

Out there, to get it broken,

Always be honest,

But don't hurt those you love,

So how can we ever do

The right thing by everyone?

Because at the end of the day

We'll all be left standing,

Helpless, looking for the words,

Then what else can we say?

But, So...?

I stood in the rain today,

And I stared at the falling sky,

The clouds cried on my cheeks,

Yet it left me with a smile,

The white skys, soaked tears,

Fell down, without effort,

So I stood below the clouds,

With my eyes open wide,

Staring at the raindrops,

Which soaked my smiling face,

No shelter to run and hide in,

Hidden from the skys waters,

Why should I seek cover?

When I can thank the wet sky,

For washing away the thoughts

That no longer belong to me.

I look up, to catch your eye,

You meet my gaze, yes I'm looking,

What am I seeing exactly?

I frown, sorry I can't help it,

I'm trying so hard, just to try,

Reading those defensive eyes,

You seem to keep guarded,

Believe me I'll break through,

You want to keep hiding? Sure, try,

You're becoming clearer, so I won't quit,

I'll get through to you, wait and see,

Try and look away, you haven't yet,

Don't lock down, I'll help you see.

I close my eyes, as tight as they'll go,

I'm not sure if I can do it anymore,

But I need to try, try to escape how I feel,

Because your grin is driving me insane,

You say so little, yet mean so much,

Why do you do it? Over and over again,

Your pushing my patience, For you,

For everything, how far do you want me to go?

What if I'm standing on the edge, Staring,

At the ground that's so far away

What if I'm given one final nudge?

Then what would you do, if I'm falling,

Who can stop me then? When all is lost,

Because right now I'm closing my eyes,

I know I can't block you out,

Don't interrupt, I wont stop trying,

I've got news for you, listen up,

I may grin back, may even argue with you,

But there's something you don't realise,

Because this may surprise you, stranger,

That this girl, the girl closing her eyes,

This girl? She can feel.

I'm staring in to your eyes

Wondering, what it is

I'm trying to find

Your eyes gaze back

What are you seeing?

There's people around us

But what does it matter?

Because I'm still searching

Those eyes of yours

I know that I am,

Staring at you

But who cares now?

Because you're doing the same

Are either of us sure

What we're looking for?

Have we already found

The answer to this

I wont drop my eyes

No, you first

Because I no longer care

That I'm staring at you

Somehow, it feels like

It was only yesterday

That we were glaring

And full of anger

But look at us now

Sitting here, smiling

You can't help but think

How things change

But I'm glad, that

Sometimes things change

People move on, with

That life they planned.

Some even have new lifes

A fresh start

Im simply happy

That things have changed

 She took one final look at his calm, angelic face. The dark shadows under his eyes were still visible, showing his lack of sleep over the past few days. Every ounce of stress and hurt he'd felt was showing on his face. He no longer felt those painful emotions but they were still there, on his face. He no longer felt those painful emotions but they were still there, on his face. He was still asleep on the bed and Lacey was relieved she did not have to read those big brown eyes. She turned and left their - or now his - bedroom. She slowly made her way through their old apartment. The sun was peaking through the dark curtains leaving shadows over the empty apartment. The rooms showed signs of no effort and had been abandoned of care. A new stab of guilt hit her as she thought of how many days he had spent here alone, in pain. Just like she had.

 Her friend,Sarah, had welcomed her in to her home with out questions. Lacey had recieved many concerned and helpless glances over the past few days. She could admit she'd been a mess. Falling asleep in tears and waking up again with a pain so unbearable she could find no reason to handle the rest of the day.

 She knew if she left again not only would she be hurting herself but Miles too. The new pang of guilt that hit her was enough to make the decision. She wasn't going to watch him harm himself anymore. She'd had one final night with him. He'd held her in his arms one last time, like he never wanted to leave her go again. She had told him she loved him. That was what she had wanted to do. What she had needed to do.

 With one final glance, she left the apartment. Closing the door behind her for the final time. She walked down the stairs to the ground floor as fast as her weak legs could carry her. As soon as she was out of the building she took a deep breath, fighting back the tears that threatened to fall. She leaned against the wall and tried to regain some of the strength she had suddenly lost. She could leave. She had to.

"Lacey!"

 Her head spun so fast to the voice the world seemed to blur. She blinked a few times and she could see Miles running towards her. All 6 foot 2 inches of him was now striding towards her. He had thrown on a pair jeans and a fitting plain black T-shirt that stretched over his broad shoulders and muscular arms. She gasped at the sight of him. Instinct told her to run, to be free but she couldn't move. He was now only two feet away from her. He his chest rose and fell, and she realised the rush he had made to get to her in time.

"Don't leave. Please." He pleaded. He took one of her hands in his, as if he would never let her go no matter what she said. He couldn't leave her go.

 Her eyes seem to glisten at his words. She closed her eyes as if to stop the tears from escaping. "I have to." She whispered.

"You don't. You really don't." Miles insisted helplessly. He hesitated, locked his eyes with hers and breathed, "Please don't leave me again."

 Lacey's face crumpled and the tears rolled down her cheeks. The pain and guilt shot through her before she could even try to stop it. She didn't want to leave, she knew that much. How could she stay? She couldn't feel this way over and over again. She couldn't do it anymore. He'd taken everything she had been able to give. There was nothing else left of her.

"I can't do this anymore. I'm in love with Miles but how do I know when you're going to be him? How am I supposed to handle that?" Lacey cried.

"I want to be just Miles. I'll try if you let me. Please Lacey I can't lose you again." Miles said.

"I don't want to be away from you Miles. But I just can't deal with this again." Lacey muttered weakly.

 She took her hand out of his and took a step back before tearing her gaze from his to turn and walk away.  As soon as she had turned her back on him the tears fell thicker. Had she just made the biggest mistake of her life? Or could she now be finally free?

Only time would tell. She'd have to face that time alone.

There's to much on my mind

I'm tired of handling it

Won't you ever help

Because you're partly to blame

My head just feels

Like it might explode

So what can I do

Now there's no solution

Now I can't think

Or even control this

I'm juggling everything

Inside my head

Too much at once

Im nearing the end

Im not asking much

Just reach out a hand

To help with it all

My head is full

And I can't do it alone

x

Right, that's it

I've had enough

Pack your things

And get out

You've taken up space

I never had to share

So out of my thoughts

Because I need the room

I'm going to search

For something new

You had your chance

You've spent long enough

Wandering my mind

Now I want you out

Come on, I told you

Get out

x

 His eyes washed over her and his lips turned up at the sides in a tauntingly irresistable smile. Her eyes couldn't escape his. She could feel his warm, un-even breath against her face as his arms were wrapped around her body. Her chest rose and fell as his body close to hers left her nervous, excited, confused and not in control all at once. The best feeling in the world. Her smile was one of delight as his smile did not faulter. He arched his face to let his lips find hers. Her eyes closed but all she could see was him. His lips pressed against her soft, satin like lips. Their actions were like the best words being said to each other.

I love you, their thoughts chorused.

Their words had been spoken. Now, they did not need words.

x

Lacey sighed at the sight before her. Many of her friends had left hours before but Lacey stayed for Miles. She couldn't just leave him could she? The once lively, friendly room now felt murky and lonely too her. The small space seemed to darken as the amount of people disappeared. Miles was chatting away to a man at the bar. His drink in his hand swayed as he spoke. Lacey hated the sight. He was further than just drunk. Miles knew her dislike of his drinking but he was on a night out. What harm did one night do anyway? Lacey didn't want to complain or make it seem like she was nagging him. She tried to grin and bare it but it was proving hard. She watched on as Miles swayed on his feet, the glass in his hand, barely secure. Suddenly the glass slipped from his grasp and shattered in to pieces as it hit the floor.

"Oops." Miles laughed drunkenly then bent down as if to pick up the broken glass. His balance was non-existant and he fell to the floor, like the glass. Lacey rushed to her feet, to Miles side.

 He chuckled, though it sounded as if he was slurring.

"You're drunk." Lacey muttered angrily.

"Me? Drunk? What?" He mumbled.

 Lacey was bent down beside Miles who was attempting to lift himself up but failing. Lacey tried to help but he refused her aid. He was making a fool of himself in front of the few people left at the bar. Through Miles eyes the room blurred and swirled before him. Laceys worried face looked over him. She had her hand placed in his arm asking him to get up.

"Gerr off!" He slurred.

 Lacey removed her hand as if his skin was suddenly on fire. His words were angry and they pained Lacey to hear. She got to her feet and stepped away from him. She rushed out the door. She didn't want to see his hopeless, drunken face. Her eyes blurred with tears as she escaped in to the fresh night sky air. The further away she got the stronger the stabbing pain inside her chest got. She didn't want to be further away from him. She couldn't be near him. Her tears fell with every new step. The cold night air flew around her as she stumbled away from the bar. She must have appeared drunker than her boyfriend. She found a low wall and made her way towards it before collapsing upon it. Her tears fell and a sob errupted through her lips. The further away, the more pain.

You gave us 14 years

It was too short a time

So many hearts were broken

When you were taken away

Tears were shed

And life came to a stop

But you'll always be remembered

Because you were the girl

Who wore a smile on her face

Always so happy

No one was left down

When you were around

Sure we'll miss you

We'll never forget

Thank you for the time

The small time we had

You were and are

Our perfect girl

x

You whisper in my ear

A few simple words

But the reaction isn't simple

You make my heart skip

Each new beat

I can't control my heart

My mind is screaming at me

To run, run away from you

I can't listen

Because my heart is singing

I'm home

He slid to the floor, his back against the wall. His jaw clenched, his hands balled in to fists as they hit the floor. His head dropped weakly. A deep breath blew through his lungs, not enough to wash the pain away. The memory repeated itself in his mind. Her tear stained face, her trembling hands as she walked away from him. Leaving him with out her for the last time. He gritted his teeth together, trying to block out the painful memory. Those final few steps away from him, hurt more than any other pain he'd felt. The long suffering ever since those last moments haunted him. Not a single reason crossed his mind to make him stand up again. What else did he have with out her?

 A strained sigh, forced its way through his locked teeth. He feared if he relaxed, his emotions would over rule him. He would not cry for her. He was fighting his way through. He would miss her, that was unavoidable. He would not let another tear be shed for her. What had she done to him?

 His lonely apartment felt bare with out her. The modern furniture, the sleek shiny floors, the expensive extras, what was their meaning? With out her there, making it a home. What was the point? The moonlight that flowed through the large windows left frightening shadows across the room.  A lonely bird sang beyond the trees. A terrifying noise in the dark. It barely reached his senses. Why should it? He knew what fear was now. He knew what it was to be scared. To be lonely.

 A faint creak echoed in the distance. This noise affected him. How long had he strained his ears to heard that door open again? How long had he hoped she would be the one to walk through? How long had it taken him to give up hope? He sat their motionless in the dark. The creak of the door disappeared, replaced by the closing of the door. Who ever it is, he thought, they can go away. The light footsteps were faint in the darkness. His blank eyes stared on, seeing nothing. The footsteps were close, barely 5 feet away. The came closer slowly. His breath stopped as did the footsteps. He did not move.

"Miles." She whispered.

 His head snapped up and he gasped. It was her. Her fingers were twisting anxiously in front of her as her eyes were glued to the floor. Her eyes were glassy, they were full of pain. It hurt him to look at those eyes. Wondering if he was the cause. He slowly got to his feet. His legs were weak and it was a struggle to stand up straight.

"L-Lacey-" He stuttered.

"Don't." She stopped him.

 He took a step towards her but she placed her palm against his chest to stop him. "No." She breathed.

"I've missed you." He confessed. His voice was so quiet yet so rough it strained her to hear him.

Her eyes fixed on his. Every regret, every painful step she took away from him flooded back. A tear escaped her eyes but she couldn't take her eyes off his. He flinched as the tear rolled down her cheek. His face blurred through her tears. He raised a hand and softly placed it on the side of her face. With his thumb he wiped away her tears. "Don't cry." He whispered softly.

 Slowly, with both their hearts racing, his face neared hers. His gaze slipped from her eyes to her lips. Her breath was un-even as she watched him carefully. His lips met hers and he kissed her like he would never kiss her again. Everything he wanted, everything he missed was with him now. She was back where she belonged. With him.

Random. No reason to this.

x

My heart raced. A pain so unbearable stabbed at my chest. Why? How could this happen? I was just talking to him. He promised me forever.

He- He can't...

He can't just leave me.

 I don't want to be alone. I don't want to be with out him. I can't control how I'm feeling. I can't get him to leave my weak heart alone. Now my faint heart has to beat with out him.

"Hey can I come in?"

"No." I growled with out hesitation.

 Silence followed. My arms hugged my knees to my chest. A sob ripped through me. Tears burned my cheek as they fell. How could he do this to me?

We feel so proud

On how life is

How we've changed

What we've made

But what have we done?

What have we changed?

1066 a famous battle

The fight for power

Casualties were made

What's changed?

Wars are all over

Just like before

Tears are cried

Same as the past

Hearts all over

Are still being broken

So what have we changed?

Because life moves on

But in truth

What do we change?

Cleaning my room.

Finding old work lol

x

The only time I feel safe

And the only time I feel protected

Is with your arms around me

Shielding me from the world

If only there was another way

To make me feel so secure

With out suffering this horrible pain

If only I knew how to get through

With out needing you to help me

Because you shield me from the world

Yet you can't save me from the worst

And the hardest to live through

You can protect me from the bad things

But you can't protect me against you

Although the pain is unbearable

It would be impossible with out you

So don't unwrap your arms

Because you're what's keeping me together

Don't let me fall apart

I can't handle it with out you

Say you're always here to protect me

It may be selfish not wanting to leave you go

Wanting to keep you for myself

If possible we'd never be apart

You're my survival and my hope

So don't leave me to go it alone

Stay with me, side by side

Keep protecting me and I'll always protect you

x

I actually stuck this to my wall. If you could see my room youd understand. Its full of stuff I just thought... Huh? Why not? So yeah. Its mainly all black and white. ANYWAY This is quite old. Needs improving but heres the first draft. Un edited, Old Just for you ;)

x

 People say sleep is a good thing. That we should get at least 8 hours of it a night. It's a shame no one told my dad that.

"Come on, quick get up!" He said in a panicked tone as he shook my shoulders. I rolled over to see my clock. It said 4:32 AM. As a natural instinct I pulled the bed clothes back over my head. "Are you kidding?!" I mumbled from under the sheets.

"No. Now get up. NOW!" He yelled.

"Okay, okay fine. What is it?" I asked, my eyes barely open enough to see him.

 Well he isn't exactly my dad. More like a friend. Sort of. It's a long story. In short we were both on the streets and we just looked out for each other. Well he's looked after me. I was a run-away. My real dad was a drunk and my mum didn't care. So he's looked after me, more than my real dad ever did.

"We have to leave." He breathed.

"Leave? What?" I asked, shaking my head in confusion. "Why?"

"There's people after us." He explained. "Well, after me."

"Why are people after you?"  I asked as he stumbled around the small room packing what he could find of my stuff, in to bags.

"Uhh well I borrowed some money..." He said but trailed off.

 There was no need for him to finish. I already knew the end. He hadn't been able to pay them back sso they thought they'd come and get it themselves. So we had to leave. Again.

 Once the information had sunk in, I was on my feet. Packing anything we would need. Within a few minutes, we were already out the door.

"Rob, why didn't you tell me before?" I asked, frustrated that I hadn't known sooner.

"I didn't want to worry you." He informed me, shamefully.

 One look at his ashamed face and I couldn't even be annoyed. He may be the oldest but definatley not the most mature.

 We ran and ran until we were far enough away from the house to slow down. We didn't carry much. This wasn't the first time this had happened.

Not taking the risks

Is a risk in it's self

As you keep your eyes down

To make sure you don't fall

You're missing all the brilliance

Every beauty that's around you

Sure those looking up

May stumble or fall

But they're seeing the life

That's all around them

They don't compare

Taking the risks

May be the hardest choice

But all in all, in the end

It's the best decision

Play it safe but miss out

The risk takers

May graze their knees

But lifes a game

You have to play it to win

x

There's faces in windows

Scattered over the world

Worried faces and happy

Searching the outside life

For an answer to living

A reason for an action

A solution to a problem

Puzzling expressions

Fill the outside

As eyes stare with confusion

In car windows

Maybe the holes in buildings

Faces fill them all

The same old tradition

A different cause and meaning

Life goes on

But there'll always be

Faces in the windows

I stare out

At miles of forever

It stretches across

The land of tomorrow

The soon to be

The future ahead

Wind blows away

The old stories

Makes way for new

Tales, yet to be told

I look forward to these

The sun shines down

And there may be clouds

I'm not worried

Tomorrow's still to come

Another day, another chance

The futures layed out

On miles of forever

Everything lies

The still sea

Smooth as glass

Yet busy

And full of life

The effortless clouds

Appear so heavy

Looking soft

To a simple touch

The stretching horizon

Displaying a forever

Of waves and sea

Nothings what it seems

Yet we still believe

It's few that know

Everything lies

Moving and alive

Scream the waves

Brimming with life

Hidden within

Deep inside

Whispers the life

Hidden secret

Aching for discovery

Some may succeed

Yet can never capture

The life and secrets

Of the whispering sea

Mountains in the sky

Misguiding element

Soft enough to touch

High enough to fall

Creatures of the air

Misguiding signs

Pouncing over landmarks

Shadowing the sea

You are the clouds

So much, pretending to be

Lighter than aire

Appearing so different

Mountains in the sky

You'll always be

It's been so long now

There's been many laughs

Tears maybe some

Most full of smiles and joy

We wouldn't swap the years

For a single moment apart

We have some tales to share

We repeat them often

So we can laugh

At the good old times

We've had a good few years

And hopefully, more to come

Because through the good and the bad

We've been there together

So try and get rid of me

But you will fail

Because all these years

Have meant a lot

There's no leaving me now

Because Blondie,

You're my friend ;)

x

To Becca :)

I told you once

But you didn't listen

So I've had enough

Go do what you want

You can fix it

I won't be waiting

What ever you do

Is your own fault

So I won't help you

Because I told you once

Well, maybe I lied

I can't ever seem to

Simply give up

On stubborn you

I know you won't listen

You won't ever change

Yet the truth is

I wouldn't have you

Any other way

x

There'll always be some dark times

Even when the sun is shining

We may feel that sometimes

There is no escape

But eventually the bright side

Will shine and guide the way

Through the shadows and darkness

So don't be afraid

When the shadows cloud you

Because it won't last long

Stand up straight

And face the dark straight on

You'll reach that bright side

Don't close your eyes

Don't block it all out

You'll find it soon enough

Because it's waiting for you

The bright side is here

x

The people on the streets

Are staring at the ground

A frown upon their face

The sun is shining

Its gleaming rays

Fall upon their skin

They don't seem to realise

What there is around

To smile and laugh about

I'm not looking at the ground

I'm searching the skys

Im watching the white clouds

Their soft texture

Almost close enough to touch

Floating above

The sun shining through

A single cloud that passes

The blue skys are a sign

That everything will be okay

The smiles playing on my lips

Showing I'm okay

No need to worry

Not Now

I'm facing the sky

Everythings okay now

x